Intense Squirting Sex Until Her Pleasure Gets Weird

Kaikan de okashiku naru made tsudzuku keiren seikō to zetchō shio Hitomi; erotic film, Japan, 2015; D: Cobo, S: Hitomi Tanaka   

Hitomi and a guy strip naked and have sex, and she squirts multiple times. In the second segment, another guy has sex with the buxom girl. In the third, a man is tickling and stimulating Hitomi through vibrators until she has an orgasm. In the fourth, a man in a suit has sex with her.

Sometimes movies need to be reviewed for what they are. A comedy is judged successful if it makes people laugh; a thriller if it gets people trembling in suspense; a drama if it makes people cry. Congruently, if an erotic film could be judged by the same criteria, it would be as to how erotically exciting it is. Naturally, sophistication and ingenuity are needed in any genre—there isn’t much of it here, admittedly, but this film compensates this through some other features, which go so far beyond the spheres of possible, that they nullify a lot of the complaints. Sexuality is a part of life, and this is just what the movie shows. A theory goes that in modern times, when Japan is facing a pandemic of asexuality, nature gives a response to compensate this in people with hypersexuality, in order to bring back balance. Sexuality needs to be made appealing again in order for a declining society to survive and rejuvenate itself. And Hitomi Tanaka is among the people who have taken this role. She seems like an alternative Sada Abe, had she taken a career in movies. Throughout the film, Hitomi squirts 30 times. In the first segment, the man is very excited to see such an attractive woman, but during the course of their lovemaking, he seems to be taken aback—since Hitomi gets even more excited than he does. Her superpower is sexuality, and it is remarkable how relaxed, casual and even playful she is with it. Unlike other movies with her, this one is without gimmicks, perversions or roles—it is just about two people having sex, reduced to its essence.

In that first segment, there is some excitement captured on screen. The guy fingers Hitomi, and she squirts. They then have sex, and you might think she is done and has exhausted her potentials, but then they change positions, she is on top of him, and all of a sudden she screams and looks down—she squirted again, covering his abdomen with water, and seems to be surprised herself at the capacity of her own body. In the second segment, while having sex, she squirts 14 times in half an hour. At one point, the man uses his penis to vibrate left and right on her clitoris, fast, and she squirts once more. The most astounding moment is when the man stops having sex, but she is not done yet, so she lies down and masturbates, until she squirts again and screams: pandemonium breaks loose. What is the secret to this? Was the man just the right size? Or was she just in the right mood due to her hormones at that particular day? At any rate, it is remarkable to document such erotic pathos—for real, unacted. The third segment is kind of a cheat, since a vibrator is used to stimulate her, yet it is notable for the moment where she just squirts, on and on, for consecutive 15 seconds in a row. In the fourth segment, the formula is back again with the man taking the role of her pleasure. In other such films, the actors are faking it. She, conversely, really enjoys it—and embraces it. It is a celebration of life. Throughout her career, Hitomi Tanaka had been slowly, little by little, building up a giant monument to human sexuality, the likes of which have not been seen in the history of cinema. Critics often say these movies are a dime a dozen. Her’s are, on the contrary, one in a million.

Grade:+++

Hana-bi

Hana-bi; crime drama / tragedy, Japan, 1997; D: Takeshi Kitano, S: Takeshi Kitano, Kayoko Kishimoto, Ren Osugi, Susumu Terajima, Tetsu Watanabe, Hakuryu

Nishi is in trouble. He was fired from the police after a disastrous incident in which a criminal shot three of his colleagues, leaving one, Horibe, in a wheelchair; his child died; his wife, Miyuki, is dying from a terminal illness; and on top of all, he is in debt to the Yakuza, from whom he borrowed money to pay for his wife's therapy. Fed up with everything, and figuring he cannot lose anything anymore, Nishi uses a police uniform to rob a bank, return the money to the Yakuza, and then go away with Miyuki on a trip one last time. As the gangsters interupt him, he kills them. At a ski resort, Nishi kills even more of the Yakuza. Finally, he has one last nice moment with Miyuki on the beach, before he shoots her and commits suicide himself.

One of Takeshi Kitano's most famous films, "Hana-bi" is a dark, bitter and lingering meditation about a man who cannot escape depression and death: at times emotional, especially in the very touching ending, but it alienates the viewers through its sudden outbursts of bizarre violence and cruelty, and several heavy handed elegy elements (the too long sequence of paintings of animals with flowers instead of their heads). Its story and theme are reminiscent of "Dead Man" and "The American Friend", but Kitano stubbornly refuses to treat the film's structure in conventional means, and thus the whole narration "floats" freely between flashbacks and random episodes. Violent moments (Nishi stabs a criminal's eye with chopsticks) are followed by gentle ones (Nishi ignites a firework, nothing happens, so he goes to see what happened, and then the fireworks explode into his face, causing his terminally-ill wife to finally laugh), though Kitano seems to be forcing his "macho" persona a little bit too much: the scene on the beach where a man randomly starts insulting Miyuki for pouring sea water into her flowers seems to be just there for the dominant Kitano to "come to the rescue" and kick the man into water. Assembled out of static shots, with unusual tableaux framing, crafting a contrasting blend out of minimalism and action scenes, "Hana-bi" speaks about the contradictions in the world, in which bad things happen to good people, and how their suffering cannot be resolved. For all of its puzzling or questionable solutions and directions, "Hana-bi" has inspiration at times, which gives it spark: in one sequence, a Yakuza draws his pistol at Nishi, but Nishi then puts his own finger on the hammer, thereby blocking the firearm from shooting.

Grade:++

Attack on Titan (Season 2)

Shingeki no Kyojin; animated fantasy action series, Japan, 2017; D: Tetsuro Araki, S: Yuuki Kaji, Marina Inoue, Yui Ishikawa, Daisuke Ono

The soldiers are in disarray after discovering a Titan within the wall, suspecting that some of them actually protect humans from outside Titans trying to break in. When a Bigfoot-like Titan starts an attack on the outside walls, Ymir transforms into a Titan and battles the invading Titans. The other Scouts help her in the battle. Soldiers Reiner and Bertholdt reveal to Eren that they can transform into the Armored and Colossal Titan. The two kidnap Eren, and Ymir initially supports them, but the Scouts are able to save Eren and bring him back home. Eren also discovers a new power of coordination: to command other Titans to attack each other.

Two great sequences of suspense: in episode 2.2, Sasha arrives at a desolate house in the forest and finds a small Titan eating a woman on the floor, and everything goes wrong. Sasha tries to kill the Titan by hitting it in the head with an axe, but to no avail, since the monster is too strong. So Sasha takes a girl in the house and wants to escape with her from the scene of horror, but their horse flees. And the Titan then chases after them. In episode 2.5, while inside the walls, a small Titan appears from behind the door and bites at Reiner’s arm, but the latter then simply places the Titan on his back, climbs up the stairs, goes to a window, and then a soldier cuts off the monster’s jaw, thereby allowing Reiner to throw the Titan out of the window. There are also other good moments of Greek battle pathos, but they rarely connect as a whole and feel rather bloody chaotic and random at times, since the action is often rushed and, it seems, at times as if either the human soldiers are just plowing through a mass of Titans, or vice-versa. The storyline needed more versatility, and even this 2nd season of the “Attack on Titan” anime suffers from the same problems from season 1, namely being narratively confusing and sophisticatedly miniscule, since the motivations of certain characters (Reiner) are unknown at this stage, and thus the viewers again need to wait for the next season until a lot of plot points are properly explained. The sense for the epic can be felt occasionally, mostly in the contrast between the giant Titans and small humans who try to surpass them through their spirit and ingenuity, yet the story is still not completely as developed as it could have been, and a lot of characters are forgettable. 

Grade:++

From Me to You

Kimi ni Todoke; romance drama, Japan, 2010, D: Naoto Kumazawa, S: Mikako Tabe, Haruma Miura, Misako Renbutsu, Natsuna Watanabe

Ever since she exited an entrance of a playing ground in the style of the ‘98 horror film "Ring", teenage girl Sawako has been nicknamed “Sadako” and avoided by her classmates, who think that bad luck will befall anyone who just looks at her, except for a kind guy, Kazehaya, who supports her. Sawako makes friends with Yano and Yoshida, but avoids them because she is afraid they will suffer in school due to her own bad reputation, but the girls eventually tell her bad rumors should not matter. Kazehaya develops a crush on Sawako, but does not get a chance to ask her out. Finally, on New Year’s Eve, Sawako admits she loves him.

The live action film adaptation of the popular manga with the same title, "From Me to You" is a gentle and sweet little story about first love in high school between an outsider and a popular student, and it owes 90% of its appeal to the two wonderful, endearing actors, Mikako Tabe and Haruma Miura, who play their roles refreshingly relaxed. Tabe, with her really big hair due, manages to give a sort of ‘crazy look’ from below—with her eyes under her bangs—that is both cute and scary, convincing at times as outsider Sawako who is shunned by her class, though at other times this kind of seems silly, since she is never *that* different from other students, which makes this premise rather forced. The first encounter between Sawako and Kazehaya is beautiful: they meet under a blossoming cherry tree, and he picks up a heart-shaped petal on her hair, foreshadowing what will happen between them. Kazehaya is, luckily, a very intelligent, gentle and articulate teenager: in one sequence in the classroom, in front of everyone, a couple of guys jokingly announce that Kazehaya lost, and that his penalty is "having to date Sadako for a week". In every other generic teenager-film, the guy would make fun of the situation, try to get out of the situation or scorn upon the girl, but not here. Kazehaya actually stands up to the pranksters, rejects their insensitive behavior and asks them how Sawako now feels after their hurtful remark. That is a really fantastic reaction. Unfortunately, the movie loses its energy after an hour, and thus the second half is too often just an ‘empty walk’, without inspiration or some other funny sparks that would save it from a standard flow of events. The most annoying ingredients in that second half are typical movie ploys to artificially prolong the overstretched storyline—Kazehaya tries to go out with Sawako on a date, but is always hindered when someone else suddenly pops up on the scene, preventing the two to talk alone, in private. These artificial problems and artificial story flow in the second half rob the movie of its initial charm, yet it still has more than enough good parts to carry this adaptation. One of the sweetest moments is the opening scene in which Sawako’s father, a musician, abandoned his concert just to see his new born baby, and this goes full circle in the ending of the film: people need to realize what is really important to them, their feelings, and not about what society expects from them.

Grade:++

UHF

UHF; comedy, USA, 1989, D: Jay Levey, S: "Weird Al" Yankovic, David Bowe, Michael Richards, Kevin McCarthy, Victoria Jackson, Fran Drescher, Billy Barty, Anthony Geary

After George and Bob again get fired from their jobs at a fast food restaurant, he gets a golden opportunity to be in charge of a TV station, Channel 62, which his uncle Harvey won in a bet. At first, the ratings plummet, but the viewers gain an inexplicable fascination with the show hosted by janitor Stanley, which catapults Channel 62 among the top 10 most watched stations. This angers Fletcher, the CEO of a rival TV station, who orders the kidnapping of Stanley in order for Channel 62 to fail at a fundraising event to pay for Harvey’s 75,000 $ debt. George, however, is able to save Stanley and Channel 62, as well as reunite with his girlfriend Teri.

"Weird Al" Yankovic’s feature length star vehicle is a disappointment: you have to plow your way through three bad jokes on average to get to one good joke—and some of the bad jokes really are crude and vile at times. 80% of "UHF" seems like some bad "Family Guy" episode: the episodic clip format is able to insert dozens of wacky jokes and parodies, yet it lacks that genuine sense for comedy and a tighter filtration process to distinguish which jokes work and which simply don’t. The films starts with an Indiana Jones parody, but its level never goes beyond the lame scenes of George turning his head for 180 degrees behind his back or using a whip to hack off (?!) the arm of a villain who aimed a gun at him. This whole intro could have been disposed off. Unfortunately, the rest is not anything better, either: for instance, in one scene, the aunt pulls George’s skin for almost 4 inches away from his cheeks. Wild, outrageous comedies are often the funniest due to their untrammelled nature, yet if the authors wanted to make a human cartoon, they should have done it with class: the Marx brothers and the Monty Pythons also often went into the silly territory, but watched out not to end up retarded—they were silly in a sophisticated way. This is what “UHF” lacks. In one scene, George hosts a show, and a guest accidentally cuts off his own thumb on a saw machine. The blood spills all over, and the guest is calm, but none of this is funny. So what’s the point of this scene? Anybody can write lame, shock jokes, but only selected few can craft funny ones. Only a couple of good jokes manage to be inspired, for instance the hilarious TV commercial which warns of bad funeral services, displaying a scene of legs of corpses sticking out from the ground of a cemetery, or the trailer for “Gandhi II”, in this edition, an action film. “UHF” seems like the authors had an idea for a good 20 minute comedy, but then had to prolong it to a feature film, and thus assembled a disparate collection of forced episodes with grimaces, but without a point, forgetting that a writer does not always use *every* idea that automatically pops into his head. 

Grade:+ 

Klaus

Klaus; animated fantasy comedy, Spain / UK, 2019, D: Sergio Pablos, S: Jason Schwartzman, J. K. Simmons, Rashida Jones, Will Sasso, Joan Cusack  

Scandinavia, 19th century. Jesper is a spoiled lad who deliberately flunks every training in order to never work for a living, so his rich father sends him to the remote island of Smeerensburg and gives him the task to work as a postman and to mail 6,000 letters or lose his inheritance. Jesper finds out the place is caught up in a long feud between the Ellingboe and Krum families. When he meets a strong old man, Klaus, who gives a present to a kid, Jesper has the idea of blackmailing kids into writing letters to Klaus to give them presents in order to meet his quota. But the kids must first learn how to spell, and thus the fishmonger Alva finally gets the chance to be a teacher in school. Little by little, this changes the place, reunites the two feuding families and starts a tradition on Christmas.

One of the better Christmas movies, "Klaus" works because it feigns to be a story of something completely else during its first three quarters of the storyline, one of those stories about a stranger arriving to a town just to change it, only to slowly reveal that it is actually an ironic “origin story” about Santa Claus. Besides a refreshing and nostalgic return to classically drawn animation (an art form almost extinct due to CGI animated films), this film is also captivating due to its amusing jokes, warm characters and an interesting message that, once started, the positive influences of education, enlightenment and philanthropy can transform a backward society from the bottom up, as a set of dominoes—as well that it does not matter if someone does a good deed due to selfish resasons, since the result is ultimately a good deed. Some jokes are corny (Klaus is so big that Jesper is barely able to share a seat with him in the carriage; Jesper is catapulted through a chimney to himself deliver presents) and the character of school teacher Alva could have been better developed, yet the final act is surprisingly emotional and touching—and what is best about it, it is done just right, measured, without ever turning too syrupy or melodramatic. The final scene neatly encapsulates how someone's good deed is able to capture the entire identity of the said person, and thus this blend of pathos and comedy works remarkably smoothly.

Grade:++